I’ve been sitting in front of my laptop screen for a while now with a new document open. The problem is that the document is completely blank and I’m not sure how to change that. Sometimes the words just come and sometimes they don’t. Our blog doesn’t understand that, though, because it is always there, seemingly waiting for another post. So even if I’m not feeling inspired, I will give it a whirl.  

Recently I have not been reading the news. Mainly because that’s just one more thing to take up my precious time. So, I don’t know all the latest details on the situation in Ukraine. I do know that it is not good. A few months ago, when this war started, I was going through a time of um, stress, maybe I could call it? I was living away from my family and I really missed them. I was also feeling overwhelmed by all the needs I had to fulfill at school as well as all the assignments I had in college. It was all too much.  

Well, allow me to back up a little bit. My family has relationships with several native Ukrainian children. When I heard of the impending war on Ukraine it frightened me. Knowing innocent and helpless people firsthand makes it scary. I had to learn to trust God. It is my tendency to want to fix things. I think that I can do stuff that will make everything better and I believe that I need to help in every bad situation. God’s teaching me that He alone can heal broken situations and that He will work through me where needed. It is in our helplessness and brokenness that God can work. When I try to take things into my own hands I get stressed, because I know I’m not capable of solving the world’s problems. Through that time of worrying about the innocent children I love and my helplessness to do anything about the situation, God changed my perspective. He’s actually still changing it.

These are some encouraging verses I read during that time.

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” 

John 14:27

“He shall save the children of the needy, and shall break in pieces the oppressors.”  

Psalm 72:4

“But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defense and refuge in the day of my trouble.” 

Psalm 59:16

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” 

John 16:33

What’s a Christian’s response to war? The Old and New Testaments clearly say that Christians are not to kill or retaliate, but to instead do good and love their enemies. Jesus taught that Christians are to be separate from the world; that this is not His kingdom. A Christian’s response to this situation should be to pray for the people of Ukraine, Russia, and other countries that are involved. I choose not to view the Russians as brutal enemies but instead see them through God’s eyes. I know that He sees people whom He loves. We are to pray for the leaders of our country and honor them. God will take care of the rest.  

What can we do? I had considered going to Ukraine to help, but it was obviously not what I was supposed to do at that point in my life. Maybe you can, though. There are many missions that need volunteers to help evacuate refugees and do other humanitarian aid. However, most of us are called to stay here. What can we do from 5,000 miles of land and sea?  

It is important to financially support people who can physically help. If you know of good missions, then support them! New Horizons for Children, a mission that my family works with is doing wonderful things for Ukrainian orphans. Support them here! There are many other places to give God’s money. 

“We tried it all but in it all we found there’s nothing we can do to turn this world around cause after all these years it’s still the same. Sometimes it seems that life is never gonna change. We’ve exhausted our resolve. We have tried all that we know. We’ve given all we have; gone as far as we can go. But what if we prayed? What if we fell to our knees, wouldn’t we fall into grace? What if we prayed? What if we cried out to Him? Maybe the change would begin in this place. What if we prayed? He promised He would heal this broken land when those of us who know Him, those who understand, would humbly kneel and forever seek His face. Together we are turning from all our selfish ways. So why then would we worry? He says, “Be still and know and bring your every burden. Lay them down and let them go.” What if we prayed? What if we fell to our knees, wouldn’t we fall into grace? What if we prayed? What if we cried out to Him? Maybe the change would begin in this place. What if we prayed?”  

“What if we prayed” Brian free & assurance

It’s easy for me to think that I am going to solve everything, but God says to be still and know. We don’t have to do, do, do. We can pray and let God take care of the rest.  

Photo Credit

Words by Kinza

            As far back as I can remember, I have struggled with having an unforgiving spirit. It easy for me to hold grudges and to gossip about someone who had hurt me. Instead of being “quick to listen; slow to speak” I lived quick to speak; slow to listen.

            I hated it. I hated the way I felt. I wanted to be like my friends who were kind and gracious and weighed their words. I would read Proverbs and the verses that referred to holding grudges would jump out at me. I prayed, oh how I prayed that God would change my heart. I would try hard to change and I would be successful for a few days. But then something would happen and I would become angry and I would harbor a grudge. The term I gave this character quality is “an unforgiving spirit.”

            For many years I thought I struggled alone, but now I know I didn’t. Maybe you can identify with me and maybe you’re wishing for some advice on how to have a forgiving spirit toward friends or family members. I’d like to share with you some things that have helped me to live victoriously in this area. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not struggle-free, but I now have the tools needed to help me wade the waters of unforgiveness.

How to know if I have an unforgiving spirit:

            In her book Choosing Forgiveness, Nancy Leigh DeMoss gives a checklist to check for an unforgiving spirit in our lives:

• I often replay in my mind the incident(s) that hurt me
• When I think of a particular person or situation, I still feel angry
• I try hard not to think about the person, event, or circumstance that caused me so much pain
• I have a subtle, secret desire to see this person pay for what he or she did to me
• Deep in my heart, I would not mind if something bad happened to the person(s) who hurt me
• I often find myself telling others how this person hurt me
• A lot of my conversations revolve around this situation
• Whenever his or her name comes up, I am more likely to say something negative than something positive about him or her

            Did any of these sound familiar to you? If you’re not sure, it might be wise to find a trusted friend or family member and ask him or her if he or she sees signs of these in your life.

What to do?

1. Admit your spirit of unforgiveness

            So, you see signs of an unforgiving spirit in your life. Where do you go from here? The first step is to acknowledge your problem. Admitting your struggle is a powerful thing. You are not harboring your struggle but you are making it known. There are times as I’m driving that I will speak the words out loud, that I am upset and hurt over something done. Satan wants you to keep your grudges/anger a secret. Truth cannot live in secrecy and acknowledgment brings light.

Here is a prayer you can write in your journal or pray aloud:

            Jesus, I feel hurt because _____did ____. This hurt me because ____. I repent of my feeling of _____ towards ______. My feelings were wrong and it was not an attitude of forgiveness.            Because you have forgiven me, I choose to forgive _____. I take the offense to the foot of the       cross and I leave it there. I release him/her of the offense and they owe me nothing. This hurt         is now yours to deal with. I accept the peace and freedom that you offer me in exchange for   my feelings of hurt.

            Please note that I am not saying that the infraction done was okay. It may very well be something completely wrong and maybe it even needs to be dealt with. However, revenge is not yours to pay. When you forgive, you are setting yourse;f free from the chains of bitterness.

2. Pray blessing on the one who hurt you.

            When you pray blessing over the one who has hurt you, you are acknowledging that retaliation is for God alone. You are breaking yourself free from the chains that produce bitterness and anger. There are many ways to pray blessing over someone. I like to use Scripture.

Colossians 1:9-12

9 For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;

10 That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God;

11 Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness;

12 Giving thanks unto the Father, which hath made us meet to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in light:

Here is a prayer to pray using these verses: (I am using the name “Ann” as an example.)

Lord, I thank you for Ann. I pray that Ann would be filled with the knowledge of Your will in all wisdom and understand. I pray that Ann might walk worthy of You in all she does, that she might be fruitful and increase in her knowledge of You. I pray that Ann would be strengthened with all might according to Your glorious power, that You would grant her patience and long-suffering to face the obstacles that come her way. I give You thanks for her and for her presence in my life and I pray that together we would be partakers of the inheritance You offer us as saints.

Ephesians 1:17-19

17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.

18 I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,

19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength

 20 he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, 

Here is a prayer to pray:

            Jesus, today would you give Ann the Spirit of wisdom and revelation so that she may know You better. Make her eyes to be enlightened so that she may know the hope that You have called her and that she may experience the riches of Your glorious inheritance. May Ann experience Your incomparably great power, the same power that You exerted when You were raised from the dead and seated at the Father’s right hand.

            Jesus prayed blessing over those that hurt Him. As His followers, we imitate His life and His way. He showed us how to forgive.

            The next several points come from the book The 30 Day Kindness Challenge by Shaunti Feldhan.

2. Do not speak anything negative to that person or to someone else about that person

            Not speaking negatively to someone is fairly easy. It’s the not speaking negatively about that person that is difficult. Even if you choose just one person to tell of your hurt or anger, every time you speak of it, the hurt or anger is being solidified in your mind. I recognize that there are times you need to talk to someone about your struggle in order to process or to gain clarity on what is happening. Be sure to confide in someone who will help you and not add their own harsh words to deepen your feelings of anger or bitterness.

3. Speak a life-giving word to that person once a week/month

            Ask God to show you what life-giving words you can give to this person. It doesn’t have to be  loud or over-the-top; a simple word of encouragement goes a long way. Feldhan suggests speaking a daily life-giving word. If that seems excessive to you, then look for a way to speak goodness into his or her life once a month. The key here is not to keep track of how many times you have spoken life to the person you’re dealing with, but rather to keep the action at the forefront of your mind as a way of acting out forgiveness.

4. Do an act of service for that person once a week/month

            Again, ask God to show you how you can do a deed of kindness for the person you’re struggling to get along with. Guard against manipulation. This is not about getting him or her on your side or to like you; this is about acting out the spirit of forgiveness. Jesus said to do good to those who [we have a hard time getting along with]. Ask Him for ways to offer acts of kindness.

5. Say something nice about that person to others

            When his or her name comes up in conversation, find a positive thing to say this person. If you’re struggling to get along with a family member, offer a compliment or appreciation for something done or accomplished. Ask God for the right words to say. He knows your heart and your desire to exercise a forgiving spirit. He will help you.

            Out of all the books I’ve read, UNConditional:The Call of Jesus to Radical Forgiveness by Brian Zahnd has made the most impact on my life. In this book, Zahnd argues that forgiveness is not “forgetting.” A Holocaust survivor or an African slave will never forget the trauma they endured. Forgiveness is not “not talking about the wrong done.” A survivor needs to talk about their experiences to find healing. Instead, Zahnd looks at the life of Jesus and how He responded to those those mistreated Him. “Forgiveness,” Zahnd says, “is not getting even.” When you look at Jesus’ life, He did not retaliate against those who hurt Him.

            He prayed blessing over them.

            He spoke life-giving words to and about them.

            He performed acts of service for them.

            He forgave them.

            As we strive to imitate Jesus’ life, we too do good to those who hurt us. We will look for ways to bless, to speak life, to serve. We will not get even.

            These steps have made a huge impact in my life. I’m telling you, they work! Would you like to know a secret? The ones I held a grudge against or struggled to forgive, they went on with their lives. It was me that changed. Because I was willing to forgive, the chains of bitterness holding grudges were broken and I was set free. You can be set free as well.

Words: Miss Carolyn has been a dear friend of our mom for many years. She lives a beautiful life of joy and fullness in Jesus and other relationships! Carolyn, thank you so much for being willing to write for us. You did an excellent job!