Here is the continuation from the last post – Part 2
Trauma is stored in the body. Childhood trauma can manifest itself in many forms. They are too numerous to mention them all. Physical illnesses. Food intolerances. Learning disabilities. Relationship problems. Inability to receive love or care. Depression. Anxiety. Insomnia. C-PTSD. To name a few. If you have experienced childhood trauma or abuse, and before you decide that healing is not possible for you, hang in there, because it IS! There is not something wrong with you. You are
not flawed or defective. It was the people God placed in your life to take care of you and love you, who did not take care of you like He intended. It’s not your fault. I know all too well the feelings of worthlessness, trash, defiled, unwanted, no place to belong, feeling like I’m the problem, despair, depression and so many more. Your feelings are legitimate. God gave you
feelings and emotions. Feel them. When they overwhelm you, take a break if you can. And if you can’t, it’s ok. Sometimes feelings overtake you and there is nothing to do but feel them. Sometimes there are no feelings at all. Just deadness. Because to feel anything is too painful. So we turn it off. If you’re in that place, it’s ok too. Be where you need to be. Your feelings awaken in time. You can’t rush healing. I would if I could. Many times over. My therapist told me one time ‘You are a sprinter; God’s asking you to run a marathon.’ Healing won’t happen overnight. Our trauma didn’t happen overnight. Not if it was chronic. Don’t give up on yourself. I know the pain of not being able to look at yourself in the mirror because it hurts too much. Because facing
yourself means facing reality. The reality of your life. Your wounds. Your pain. Sometimes all you can do is curl into a fetal position and let your pain wash over you in waves. As an adult on the road to healing, you have to feel the pain that God protected you from feeling as a child. There’s no other way around it. I know the pain of desperately trying to hold on – begging yourself to not give up. Looking into your own eyes, with tears streaming down your face, begging yourself to hold on one more time. Sometimes all you can do is focus on taking the next breath. Then the next. And another. It’s ok if that’s all you can focus on. I won’t tell you to move on. I won’t tell you to get over it. There is no moving on from the things that happened to us. They are part of who
we are. There is only through. Through the mountains of grief and pain. Through the losses too many to count. Through the darkest valleys of a shame we were never meant to bear. A shame that isn’t ours, but one we were forced to carry. So much shame. And grief. I don’t know how to
grieve well. It just comes. There is no stopping it. Our grief needs to be felt. To be honored. We spent so much of our lives being unseen. Being dishonored. Being invisible. Part of healing is being seen. Heard. Held safe. Our stories need telling. They need to be heard. To be lamented.
Most people shy away from the messy part of healing. Jesus never did. He not only sat with the broken, He sought out the broken. He never told anyone to move on or move beyond. He sat in the messiness and the brokenness with them. He stayed with me when no one else did. He didn’t just sit there and keep his hands clean. He got down in the mess and the dirt and the filth
of my wounds and my pain and was with me in it. That’s the Jesus of Heaven. He doesn’t sit on the front benches of any church or appear in a perfectly tailored suit. The Jesus I know gets messy. He’s not afraid to get down in the dirt. He’s not afraid of your wounds. He’s not repulsed
by your pain. He won’t tell you to pull yourself together and move on. He will invite you into the pain of your own heart. He will explore your wounds with you. And when it hurts so much that you lash out at Him, He’s ok with that too. Before He shows you those wounds, He knew they
would be painful. He knew you would need to lash out. He still won’t let you go. And He’ll stay with you in it. He won’t abandon you in and leave you alone in it. Don’t be surprised if people do because they will. Jesus never will. Even when you think He has. Cry out to Him; He will hear
you. If you have experienced spiritual abuse and can’t talk to God, it’s ok. He understands. Sadly, He is often very much misrepresented by people who call themselves Christian. To those of us who have experienced abuse and trauma, we often have an inaccurate view of God
because of this. The truth about God is that He is close to the broken hearted. He doesn’t sit on His throne with a sharp spear, ready to condemn anyone who dares to contradict Him. He gets off His throne. He bends sown and He whispers softly to us. He holds us close. He’s very
gentle. Because He knows just how much we hurt. He doesn’t tell us to to forgive and forget. Our pain matters to Him. Our shattered hearts matter. Our desolate souls are tenderly loved and cared for by the God of the universe Who comes close. When no one else sees our pain, when
we have to hide it in order to survive, He sees. He cares. He weeps. Because He hurts too. And He wants to heal you.
Watch for the third and final post in this series coming today!